I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
