She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
