Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
