when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
