toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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