i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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