Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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