So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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