i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The air was thick with penises
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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