She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
