I'm drive I can fine osifer
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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