my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
