Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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