Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
