OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
