What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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