sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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