It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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