Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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