And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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