hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
