I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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