That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize