She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize