Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
