so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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