Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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