You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
