Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We are two peas in an std pod
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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