the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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