she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
