peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
People in love make me want to vomit
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
bring money and cleavage
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
