If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
