i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
