The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
