If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
