I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
