she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
