I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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