i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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