there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
