I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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