wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
