Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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