"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
