I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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