I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize