It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
