Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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