summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Welp...herpes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
