Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
