I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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