sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
