porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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