If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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