you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I understand Curling. That high.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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