pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hippo gnu deer
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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