Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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