I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
