just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
