i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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