Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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