1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
