She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she looked like the before picture.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
